Well, here it is...the good, the bad and the ugly of 2016.
The year started off rocky but for the most part good. In January I moved into my own place. I had let go of the past year, left my boyfriend who not only was an alcoholic but was involved in drugs too. I felt I had prayed and tried as much as I could to get him sober. But the heart is a crazy thing as love is too. He quickly came back into my life and I struggled from that moment on. He had a good heart...I saw that. He was a decent human being, sober. Looking back, I was a babysitter a mother...cleaning up messes and living in a world of anxiety. But I felt if I continued to pray it out of him and coach him in to a normal life, believing all his lies and manipulation .... He would see all this and change for the better. After he had a full on seizure, which stopped my heart...I thought had seen the light. July 3rd, my life changed. His body had enough...he'd lost his mind. While asking me for his keys, which he asked me to hide, I non-chalantly said I didn't know. I had no idea what would come next. I found myself with my back on my couch and his hands around my neck. I couldn't breathe and his fingers then went in my nose, ears and mouth. I thought to myself. ..I may die but at least he hadn't struck me. And then...he did. I have no idea why he stopped or how long it lasted. I never thought to call out to God as I was fighting for my life. What's amazing...God heard me regardless! He released Rich's hands and I survived!
The days after were a blur. He was in jail and I was already seeking help from CASA. I was able to move about a month later...back to my family to a place I will forever call home.
I ended up in a beautiful apartment, I am safe and I am surrounded by loving family and friends. I am reminded daily how incredibly lucky I am.
My health...well, Im fighting. Another diagnosis of fibromyalgia due to the trauma in July. But by being back home I have the most incredible doctors who along with me are fighting. I'm ending the year just having the flu and a cold and to be quite honest I have been very angry these last few days.
But here's the good...no great part. I am closer to my heavenly Father than I have ever been. When a mother gives birth to her child she never remembers the pain. This is true when dealing with any pain. I can remember being sick, in excruciating pain...but I don't remember the actual pain...so I don't anticipate it. I remember being attacked, scared even but more than anything I remember the support of family and friends and Gods presence. Pain, whether physical or emotional is only temporary...I don't focus or think of these things. I focus on what God is teaching me and that through my experiences and leaning on God is what truly got me through. I don't always understand or get the answers I want...but when its over...the light of God is so bright!
When I lay my head down on my soft pillow in my princess and the pea bed...I can find so many things to thank God for which I know helps me keep perspective and keeps me grounded. Its not a lie that when the phrase "God is good all the time and all the time God is good" is said. Because He is! He has my best interest at heart and He is the Master of the plan for my life.
So, yes 2016 has been one of the hardest years of my life. 2017 may be as well....but Im ready and I know that His light will always shine bright so I will know He is always there!
Bring it on 2017...bring it on fabulous 40!
